Sebastian Ho

what’s about 18 square feet large.

share the happiest and saddest thought.

snuggle up when i am tired.

read the newspaper with.

the occasional games.

have meals with.

my bed!

SABBY OUT!
… was listening to Orianthi’s According to You

hello my wordpress blog…

… it has been quite sometime since we interact. I am sorry. i have been secretly writing in my moleskine dairy and private tumblr. why? well moleskine is good for happy thoughts as it allows me to plaster physical evidence of happy happy thoughts and tumblr cos’ it allows me to blog while lying on my bed with my iPod and he has this “share private” option.

As time passes you seem to be a journal of sad thought instead of happy thoughts and happenings; that’s really sad- this blog was built on the foundation of happy thoughts and happenings. You served me well as an escape from reality. A reality that is sad and depressive. I used to only write happy thoughts on this blog as it is as though i choose to only remember the happy.

Either way, i have finding it harder and harder as time pass to pretend to be happy when i am around my friends. And i am exhausting places of asylum where i can hide and break from the world. First i confined in you, my wordpress with selective memory. Then as depressive thoughts creep in to you, another vent comes up- the gym.*

*post note: actually on second thought there was this period when i treated alcohol and the clubs dance floor as my vent. but that didn’t last long, too much drama in clubs to be an appropriate vent.

Whatever nonsense i gave my friends about why i go to the gym is merely a variant of the truth. The gym to me is a great place to escape from reality. Four times a week, i get at least an hour of me time. Nobody to please but myself. With weights and reps are my only worries.

But now even the gym is no longer my safe asylum it once was.

I used to gym right after work at camp. but ever since i became “operationally ready” hitting the gyms became part of my day rather then post day break, somehow i guess that affected my psychic and i start worrying about the things before and after my workout. it no longer became that peaceful place where i was an anonymous scrawny boy. no longer could i just lock myself in the changing rooms, take a sit and breathe (people outside must be wondering what’s this boy doing inside for so long)- instead i would be rushing to complete my workout (constantly checking the time), light shower before i rush off to my next appointment.

right now. i am hoping school that’s starting in march will be a new asylum. though i fear classroom politics- oh gawd.

enough about asylums.

u know what i lost my train of thought. ~massive headache and lightheadedness.

SABBY OUT!
… was listening to Miley Cyrus’ Fly on the Wall

… and hell yea… i loved it

SABBY OUT!
… was listening to Madonna’s Celebration

here’s to being 20…

—-

… of course… the race to the midnight is funnest… where the cell wld vibrate at every single text received.

but no. it didn’t.

i removed my birthday off my facebook profile.

instead only a couple (… and i do mean 2) text me…

but it was sweet one of them had “count down timer” that came with every reply.

if you are reading this (i doubt) thank you. every text made me smile =]

—-

i always predicted 20 wld be a year of depression.

it is true.

… as it turns out.
(read on)

—

the morning started relatively emo.

just negative comments from people… including some from my ‘best friend’

(my ‘best friend’ didn’t mentioned anything abt my b day… guess he forgot abt it)

bitch.

—-

the day didn’t get any better… i was denied entry at my gym… some computer bug apparently…

they noticed it was my birthday… but didn’t wish me anything.

they had cake at the counter. they didn’t offer it to me either.

bleh.

—-

the workout was equally bad.

my max weights for a 12 rep set was 35% lighter… zzz

and the gym took away the 2.5kg and 1.25kg weight plates… boooooo! >.<

the only good thing was… that emo emo made me ran faster on the treadmill.. i did a new record 08:57 for my 2.4… two seconds faster then my previous record (months months ago).

oh and i lost 3 kg… severals months of mass and strength gaining efforts.

gone.

—-

after gym i met some friends for dinner.

at a ‘well queued’ restaurant at mandrain gallery.

it was way over rated… the broth is ladened with flavour enhancers.

sucks.

—-

zzz… emo emo… will it continue for the rest of my “age/20″?

emo.

—-

sabby out!
… was listening to GaGa’s Telephone

my school mate… wrote his ORD-slash-leaving-singapore letter on facebook..

this is what he wrote about me:

in school, i always thought he was abit cold to me… and thus thought he dislike me =/

… and to receive a thank you note from a person that i though dislike me

made me, tear.

for today i learn, prejudice and assumptions are very bad things =,[

darn. i regret.

for the record, i did admire his papers. his papers are incredibly well written.

SABBY OUT!
… was listening to DJ Collete’s Feelin’ Hypnotized (Black Liquid Remix)

spot me

SABBY OUT!
… was listening to The Veronicas’s  Everything I’m Not

… it has been a while since i cam whore

but it’s a nice thing to do… to end my first ’social rest day*’ in quite a while

did quite a bit… in a down tempo pace…

woke up late… ran around the estate…  had a nice breakfast… took the longer but more scenic route to orchard… got a message… my hair cut… tasty-yummy lunch… learn a few dance moves for bad romance… got lost in time- in a bookstore… baked cookies when i got back…

*social rest day: a day celebrated by sebastian with a simple ‘me’ time. no social interaction. just him and probably starbucks.

SABBY OUT!
… was listening to Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance (and i still think it is an awful song)

****, i am starting to develop feelings for someone i never thought i would.

what should i do?

help.

SABBY OUT!
… was listening to Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance.

go figure [innocently]

SABBY OUT!
… was listening to Talyor Swift’s You Belong With Me